


Parad Voice: Tower of Terror Should be a 30 Minute Ride and Today I Will Present Why

by DroppedAllTheseOreos



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Gen, Gender Non-Conforming Graphite (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid), Multi, Out of Character, Pre-Poly, Rated M Just To Be Safe, Swearing, Trans Graphite (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid), Trans Male Character, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DroppedAllTheseOreos/pseuds/DroppedAllTheseOreos
Summary: Three men enter an elevator, will all of them leave?
Relationships: Graphite & Hanaya Taiga, Graphite & Kujou Kiriya, Hanaya Taiga & Kujou Kiriya, Hanaya Taiga & Saiba Nico
Kudos: 4
Collections: Oreos' Fanfic Gauntlets





	Parad Voice: Tower of Terror Should be a 30 Minute Ride and Today I Will Present Why

**Author's Note:**

> Parad doesn't actually get screen time, I'm sorry.
> 
> This is a fic that came to me based on my vague memories of reading [we're going down](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2613188) by rooonil_waazlib way back when it was originally posted, and first hand accounts that the elevator in my local Target turns itself into the Tower of Terror sometimes.
> 
> I feel like I've lost my touch in writing Taiga but I've also suddenly got inspiration for fics with him lol

"So, you two live here?"

The young man who asked sprawled over the two-seater couch he managed to shove into the elevator. Taiga turned his eyes to his phone, trying to ignore the line of soft-looking, tan skin that got revealed as he stretched, framed by his capri jeans and red t-shirt. He'd already felt flutters of attraction in his gut from the guy's cute face and sunshine grin. It so wasn't fair that he looked even hotter lounging on that ugly floral-patterned couch with his eyes all half-lidded and sleepy.

The guy who lived a few doors down from Nico in unit 508 glanced at couch guy and nodded, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. He rolled his shoulders so his long, black trench coat subtly covered more of the leather harness he was wearing over a loose-fitting, light green shirt with scale patterns. As he shifted uncomfortably, the hem of the cream and forest green tiered, flounce skirt he was wearing swayed elegantly around the tops of his dark red Doc Martens. If Taiga had to guess, the neighbor was trying to phase into the wall to hide from couch twunk since he'd been ogling earlier.

This guy always looked like he should be on that Harajuku fashion blog Nico liked, and they had long debates on what his job must be over dinner. Taiga would always say that he probably changed into those clothes after his shifts. Then Nico would boo him until he started playing along and making more creative guesses.

Taiga sighed heavily, liking a message from Nico that said: **k dont die （；´д｀）** in response to letting her know he was trapped in the elevator. He tried hard not to look at either of them until he felt eyes on him. He sighed again and met couch guy's stare tiredly.

"I'm just doing a grocery run for my sister. She lives on the fifth floor and we got her stuff moved in last week."

"Ah! So we're all on the fifth, then!" Couch twunk sat up excitedly, unnecessarily so. He was all flashy, swinging his legs out for momentum like he was a breakdancer.

Nico's neighbor sneered, "Amazing, he has working eyes. Wish he would use them to see the only button that's lit."

"Y'know what, I'll take that since it got you to finally talk." Couch twunk leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees so he could prop his chin on his hands and stare at him with exaggerated interest. The guy from 508 pointedly crossed his arms, readjusting himself so he was facing away from both of them.

Taiga sighed again, leaning back against the opposite wall, letting his head knock against it lightly. This wasn't the worst thing that could've happened today, but he really didn't want to spend his time stuck in an elevator with these two. Couch twunk wouldn't shut up, and Nico's neighbor looked like he wanted to rip his head off. And they'd only been stuck with each other for... A little less than ten minutes.

Taiga could think of worse company but he also didn't want to be a witness to a murder. So, he took the pint of Mighty Action themed ice cream out of his shopping bag, "Hey, we've been on hold with the help line for a while, so do you wanna help me eat this? It's gonna melt and I don't want it to go bad." He said.

Taiga really didn't want to share since it'd been a struggle to find this stupid ice cream. He just wanted a nice housewarming and 'congrats on getting into your top pick college' gift for Nico. But unless they got saved in the next thirty seconds, he wouldn't be able to get it to her. The robotic helpline voice said they needed to wait another ten minutes for a qualified technician and the guy from 508 groaned at the announcement, letting his head fall against the wall.

Looks like sharing it was. At the very least, if couch guy took him up on it, he could get him to shut up and postpone their deaths a bit longer. If the store didn't have any more Mighty Action ice cream, he could always find Nico a pint of strawberry shortcake flavor in a different (better) brand.

Couch twunk held his hands up, shaking them slightly, "Aw, you don't have to," but Taiga could see the way his eyes lit up.

"I don't really like sweets so there's no way I'm finishing this on my own." Taiga handed him the carton, digging through the bag for the pudding cups. As couch twunk got the lid off, Taiga took the tiny plastic spoons from the packaging and handed one to him.

He laughed, but took it without comment and patted the cushion next to him to make it easier for them to share. Taiga sat down awkwardly like he was a guest in an acquaintance's apartment. Sitting down on a stranger's new furniture in an elevator was sort of the same thing, he guessed.

"I'm Kiriya, by the way," couch twunk nodded at him, with the spoon still between his teeth, "Kujo Kiriya, since you seem like the type that likes to keep distance at first."

Taiga's lips pulled in a half-smile, "Hanaya Taiga."

He didn't expect this guy to be so perceptive, but he guessed he was a people person. Maybe one of those weirdos that had a hobby of people watching and had no problem announcing it. Thankfully Kujo's gaze drifted over to Nico's neighbor.

"How 'bout you? Since we're all gonna be stuck together for a while, we should at least know each other's names."

He rolled his eyes, jaw shifting as he ignored them. Kujo pursed his lips, but thankfully decided to say nothing. Maybe all the joking around and energy was a nervous tick. Or he was finally respecting the guy's space and unwillingness to talk.

After a long silence, Kujo went back to eating the ice cream, letting Taiga take little bites when he wanted. Taiga thought they'd keep going like that until the elevator got fixed, but eventually, the other man shifted uncomfortably and mumbled something.

"Sorry, what was that?" Kujo asked, whirling to him with wide eyes.

"I said my name's Graphite," He snapped.

Kujo's eyebrows raised surprisedly and Taiga looked up at him, mouth falling open as he squinted, trying to figure out where he recognized that name.

"What, you got a problem with it?" He growled at them.

"No last name?" Kujo tilted his head interestedly.

"No." Graphite said flatly, then turned his attention to Taiga.

His face only scrunched up further as he scrutinized Graphite closer, "Have we met before? Or are you famous? Your name sounds familiar." He said more than asked, still trying to remember where he heard that name. At least Graphite didn't look like he wanted to tear Taiga's throat out with his teeth anymore, letting his snarl settle down into a scowl.

Oh good, he didn't have to be worried about how the bared teeth made his stomach flutter and his palms sweat anymore. Distantly, he noticed Kujo taking the ice cream out of his hands, and sure whatever, he could finish it off if he wanted...

It suddenly clicked, and Taiga's mouth started racing ahead of his brain, which was begging him not to say something stupid.

"Oh wait, my sister loves that game," he mumbled, and Graphite's ears turned bright red, huffing as he looked away and tried to hide in his corner again.

Kujo looked between them curiously. Maybe he wasn't a big gamer and his excitement was more for ice cream in a cute carton... Or just ice cream... While he tried to figure out where the conversation had gone, Graphite finally made non-hostile eye contact and nodded towards Taiga.

"She's got good taste." He said quietly, then went back to facing his corner.

When that seemed like that would be all they got out of him, Kujo started talking to Taiga again. He found out that Kujo was going to the same college as Nico, but for grad school in electrical engineering, which came as a surprise. He was just three years younger than Taiga even if he acted Nico's age.

Just as Taiga was mentioning that Nico was going for a computer science degree in hopes of making video games, Graphite walked over and sat down next to him, forcing them to scoot over. They both stared at him with wide eyes, Taiga especially since his hips were now in direct content with both hot elevator guys. Graphite met their gazes briefly, then glared at that corner again, crossing his arms again.

"My legs got tired."

Kujo grinned, "Welcome to the couch, buddy."

"Not your friend." Graphite shot back, but none of the heat from earlier was behind it, making Kujo smile even wider.

A few minutes later, the helpline crackled to life and an actual human answered. Taiga checked his watch to see they'd been in there for almost half an hour and sighed in relief, hoping they'd finally be freed.

"Hello there, sorry for the long wait." The technician said. "We should be able to get the elevator working again, and get you out of there, so please be patient for a few more minutes. We'll be taking you to the ground floor so you can get off safely and use a different elevator or the stairs to get to your floor."

"'Kay thanks!" Kujo raised his voice to be heard before the line went dead. “Did anyone else think he sounded _excited_ that it’s working again? Kinda weird.”

Taiga ignored him in favor of reaching for his phone to let Nico know he was gonna be okay. Just as he was searching in his jacket pocket, the elevator suddenly shook. His breath caught in his throat when a loud, echoing boom reverberated up from somewhere in the shaft. Kujo and Graphite shared a look across him and Taiga just closed his eyes, sighing. Of course. Just when things looked like they were going well—

The elevator dropped and Graphite's hand shot out to grip Taiga's shoulder while Kujo made a strangled noise caught between a scream and a whoop of excitement. A few apples and a bag of chips levitated out of Taiga’s groceries. He leaned back so they wouldn't hit him in the face when they crashed or whatever. Just when they must've been reaching the bottom, the elevator was only stuck between the third and fourth floors, after all, Taiga was certain the emergency brakes should’ve turned on. But the elevator just slowed and then reversed instead. Then it slowly sped up like it was a fucking thrill ride. Taiga wasn't expecting the sudden ascent and started losing his grip on his shopping bag.

Kujo threw his leg out, blocking Taiga's groceries from slipping out of his arms. Then he slid his leg up, the back of his knee now hovering dangerously close to Taiga's crotch as he tried to help reposition the bag. Taiga had never hated his life as much as he did right then.

Kujo had nice legs, and now Taiga was forced to appreciate it because one was thrown across his lap. Taiga quickly averted his eyes and started praying that he wouldn't pop an embarrassing boner. This was the worst possible situation, being crushed between tall, brooding, and beautiful and literal sunshine on killer legs.

As the elevator started falling again, Kujo's grip on the couch arm slipped thanks to his new position. Taiga wanted to reach out and steady him, but Graphite moved quicker, hand leaving Taiga's shoulder to grab him by the calf, and quickly yanked him up, shoving him into Taiga to keep him from crashing onto the ground.

Great, now his ass was pressed to Taiga's thigh and they were all being held in place by Graphite's grip on the couch and the improvised Kujo seatbelt with his free leg braced on the ground. After a few more drops, Graphite started to look a bit pale and sweaty. Taiga kept eyeing him concernedly as he tried to breathe deep, struggling on each inhale.

"Dude, are you gonna throw up?" Kujo asked, one hand flailing around to feel his pockets, "I might have a bag or something."

Graphite shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, looking very much like he was about to hurl.

"Fuck it," he mumbled, letting go of Kujo's leg to take an arm out of his trench coat and pull up his shirt and the loosely fastened harness, revealing a tight, dark green undershirt, but in a crop top cut. There was a seam at the side closest to Taiga, folded in a way that looked like it was concealing a zipper or something.

Taiga's brows furrowed in confusion, it was a weird piece of clothing but he wasn't sure what it was.

"Hanaya, undo the clasps, I can't fuckin' breathe."

With his best one-handed attempt, he eventually managed to get all the little hooks undone. Graphite dropped his clothes immediately, leaning back against the arm of the couch to suck in a deep breath. When he was breathing easier, his hand fumbled down to grip Kujo's ankle again. Taiga stared, wondering what the hell that was about.

"Did you have a surgery recently or something?" Taiga asked, his medical training starting to kick in, "You should write up whoever recommended that compression vest for malpractice. They're not supposed to strangl—"

Kujo twisted his leg so he could knock his knee into Taiga's chest. He whirled on Kujo to shoot some remarks but held back when he saw the other man shaking his head with a serious expression.

Taiga's brow furrowed and he turned back to Graphite, who looked like he wanted to curl up and die, facing away from both of them. From the edges of his face Taiga could see, he could tell that his whole face was bright pink. He was just trying to help, nothing to be embaras— Oh. Oh... _Oh._

"Sorry I didn't realize—"  
"It's fine," Graphite cut him off. "Just don't look at me."

Taiga quickly turned towards Kujo who met his gaze with a wide-eyed stare, blinking at him owlishly a few times then leaned back to stare at the ceiling. They were stuck in an awkward silence for a while until Kujo spoke up.

"So you're a doctor? Or like, in training?" He asked, squirming so he was lying down properly, his butt sharing Taiga's lap with the grocery bag and leg resting across Graphite's.

"Really?" Taiga scowled at him, but Kujo just shrugged and raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Used to. I was training to be a surgeon, but kept failing the exams and decided my time and money was better spent getting a regular desk job and paying for my sister's education. Happy?"

"Happy." Kujo said. Taiga thought he deadpanned it and was about to snap, but from the way Kujo's face was scrunched up, maybe he was thinking about what Taiga said. Or maybe not, because the next words out of his mouth were, "You think they're intentionally fucking with the elevator?"

Graphite scoffed like that was obvious and Taiga had to agree. It really felt like they were just fooling around. He never thought to check for cameras in the elevator before but the technicians were probably getting a decent chuckle if there were any.

* * *

As the world's worst improvised theme park continued on, they all started getting used to the momentum shifts. Kujo actually ended up falling asleep on both of them. It couldn't have been comfortable, but at least he was having an okay time from the slight smile on his face while he napped. It was still a little awkward between him and Graphite, but at least it was quiet.

Taiga tapped his fingers against the bag nervously, and Graphite seemed to pick up on it.

"So, your sister's a gamer." He looked at Taiga out of the corner of his eye, and Taiga glanced at him quickly before going back to staring at the closed doors, watching the strips of light pass by as they raced by each floor.

"Yeah, she was one of the big names out there before she got into college. Won a bunch of tournaments." He caught Graphite nodding in his peripherals and continued. Bragging about Nico was easy when she wasn't around, and it's not like Graphite would ever meet her, so she'd never find out and get to lord it over Taiga. "She usually gets invited to Genm tournaments or speedrun events, goes by N."

Graphite tensed next to him, and Taiga could feel the way he leaned in, "Wait, wears a whole forearm worth of rainbow bracelets and a space-themed hat, N?"

Oh fuck, Graphite knew Nico and she was going to know Taiga went around being an embarrassing older brother.

"Yeah that's her," Taiga said, trying to keep the same, proud, confident tone as before.

Graphite let out a shaky breath, and Taiga was tempted to look over and check on him because it sounded too similar to his suffocating from earlier. He shuffled uncomfortably again.

"Um, maybe ask her if she remembers a Drago Knight player that went by Rio? It was years ago and she probably doesn't. Yeah, actually better if you don't ask—"

Taiga couldn't help but turn to Graphite now, almost glaring at him as they locked eyes. _"You're_ Rio? She never shut up about you. Always hoped you'd turn up to a pre-order event or Drago Knight panel even after you stopped playing."

Graphite flushed again, but this time it was with a shy little smile on his face, and god damn it that was cute. Taiga tried his best to smash down his internal screaming as he gave the other man an encouraging smile.

"I won't tell her until you're ready but just know, she'll never leave you alone once she realizes she's been living down the hall from you." Taiga chuckled, "You look happy about it now, but you shouldn't. It's a threat. She'll never leave you alone."

Graphite had the beginning of some retort on his lips, but the whole elevator slowed to a stop and shuddered again. Kujo twitched violently in their laps then jolted up. For a panicked moment, he managed to balance in Taiga's lap. But another shake of the elevator had him falling to the ground and Graphite was too slow to catch him this time.

"If it finally drops this time and we all die, just know, coming in here, neither of you would've been my first choice." Kujo said from his sprawl on the ground.

"Oh, wow thanks," Taiga deadpanned, and Graphite raised a disdainful eyebrow at him.

Kujo laughed, _"But,_ from the little I got to know of you two, if it had to be any strangers in an elevator, I'm really glad it was you."

Graphite nudged the heel of his boot into Kujo's shin and Taiga reached a hand down for him, careful of his groceries. "Alright, at least get up here and die comfortably on your sofa, asshole."

With a smug grin, Kujo took it and carefully maneuvered himself back over to the seat, squeezing in so they were finally back in the position when they started this whole disaster. Full circle.

But instead of dropping suddenly, the doors opened to the ground floor elevator lobby.

"Did we actually crash sometime during my nap and you guys didn't tell me we've been dead the whole time?" Kiriya looked at them suspiciously.

A few rescue workers stepped through and checked all of them over, being careful to avoid the empty ice cream carton and the apples that escaped Taiga's bag.

"Are you all okay in here?" one of them asked.

They all exchanged looks and slowly nodded. Being back in the elevator lobby felt surreal, but Taiga knew it had to be reality when Nico came charging past the maintenance teams and yellow tape around the elevator to pick him up and squeeze the life out of him. Once she had her fill of hugging, she set him down and grabbed his arms, shaking them in place of being able to grab him by the shoulders.

"You jerk! You absolute idiot! Who's stupid enough to get trapped in an elevator? You can only take the stairs from now on! Maybe the steps will cause microfractures in your old man bones and make them stronger!"

Even though she was acting all tough, her eyes were red-rimmed and shiny, some tear streaks still staining her face.

"Missed you too, you absolute pain in my side." Nico stuck her tongue out and he chuckled, "I would say in my neck but you couldn't reach."

She spluttered furiously and he ruffled her hair to add some insult to injury, "C'mon, let's get the remains of your groceries in the fridge."

Nico huffed at him, but started leading the way to the stairwell.

"Hey," Kujo called after him.

When they turned back to look, Kujo was sitting on the arm of his couch, Graphite standing next to him, arms crossed over his chest.

"See ya around, neighbors." He gave them a little two-fingered salute.

Graphite gave a little nod of acknowledgment. And when Taiga awkwardly waved back at them, they turned their attention back to each other. Taiga expected Graphite to follow after him and Nico, but he seemed content chatting with Kujo while the maintenance team bustled in and out of the elevator to figure out what the hell happened to it.

God, he hoped he'd be seeing them around.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it through that whole thing, thank you so much for reading! Here's some bonus lore if you're interested:
> 
> -Graphite's former username Rio is an abbreviation of the Japanese name for Monster Hunter's mascot monster, the Rathalos. I usually headcanon Graph as one, so it's a little obscure reference for me to go :D at  
> -Kiriya's dressed more casually because he's moving in, he doesn't want his aloha shirts to get all messed up from moving furniture around  
> -Even though he's not named, yes, Parad is the elevator technician over the intercom and is messing with the controls pretending it's a malfunction


End file.
